What I Learned or Unlearned from a Year of Homeschooling My Three Kids

By: Becky Cummings

I’d love to say this year my kids learned so much under my tutelage at home.

They are scoring grade levels above their peers in public school. Clearly on track for early admission to ivy league colleges. Maybe by 8^th grade we can begin applying! Okay so you’re not buying it, me either. The reality is I got schooled this year, hard. But what I learned in one year with my own kids was more profound than any of the 5 years I spent taking classes to prepare me for being an educator or any of the 15 years I spent as a teacher working with children in the public school system.

When I decided to homeschool my 5, 6, and 10 year old, I dreamed of beautifully bound curriculum that would advance them in math and reading. I set up an incredibly gorgeous room with every color marker, colored pencil and crayon imaginable. I purchased new computers, headsets, manipulatives, and books recommended by other homeschool moms. You may have seen these kind, divinely crafted hardcovers showing every bird or bug under the heavens. I could make a whole unit out of one. I sat for hours crafting a meticulously color coded excel sheet. A strict schedule for my husband and I to follow that would ensure the children got instruction in music, art, cooking, meditation, reading, writing, and on and on. I figured we could rigorously play school for like 3 hours and be done by noon to enjoy the rest of the day.

This fairy tale I imagined quickly turned into a nightmare with three kids that didn’t want to listen to mommy or daddy. The kids in my class listened so well, but my own were a different story! I’d finally get one kid on track and then get interrupted by one of the others. After a few weeks, of trying to keep everyone on my “perfect” schedule, I was exhausted. My joy of teaching had turned into a dreaded battle where I was trying to control my kids to sit and learn what I told them to which was the exact reason I had wanted to leave public school in the first place.  This was not the beautiful home school experience I had dreamed up! I was feeling bitter that I put my personal time and career on the back burner to give my kids this opportunity, which they weren’t even enjoying. Something had to change, but I wasn’t sure what to do.

Out of desperation, my husband and I decided to throw in the towel for a bit. We had heard of unschooling, where the children lead their own educational experience. It sounded radical, but clearly what we were doing wasn’t working. We decided it was worth a shot, just to see what would happen. Our household was going to be one big experiment.

In my many years of teaching I had come to understand some key ideas, which were aligned with the idea of unschooling.

• Children are natural learners and will find joy in learning when they are motivated by their own interests.
• Children are uniquely gifted. Therefore, education needs to be customized to help them feel successful and develop their gifts.
• Teaching children how to learn by asking questions and exploration is more powerful than having them memorize rote information.

So, we let loose and allowed them to be. Play, play and more play. Which allowed us to play, too. The schedule, curriculum, and books all got put away, waiting to be chosen, maybe, if a child asked. Mornings of stress turned into long walks on the marsh, bike rides around the neighborhood and Lego building sessions while still in jammies.

It felt so good and so wrong at the same time. My programming kept me questioning myself. What if they never learn how to read? What if they fall behind in math? My oldest son still doesn’t capitalize I in a sentence! How will he ever get in a college at this rate if that’s what he decides? I had so much fear as a classically trained educator trying to embrace a completely new lifestyle. Would I be able to keep this new way up? Would we find a happy middle ground? After years of feeling confident in my abilities as a professional educator, I had more questions than answers.

It took some time to relax into this new freedom. It took some time to embrace a day without a set schedule. In the beginning there would be days where I’d look at my husband in despair and say, “Are they learning anything?” He would patiently remind me to step back and take a wider view. Maybe we had a rough day, but our week had been full of golden nuggets. My littlest son was designing a futuristic car out of legos that would give the Tesla a run for its money. My oldest son had worked on making YouTube videos and learned how to explain a video game as he inserted himself in the right corner. My daughter was finally playing pretend by herself! Although it seems silly, she rarely played alone and it was a wonderful thing to see her having fun with her dolls.

As the weeks continued, we had ups and downs. We joined a local homeschool hiking group and explored new trails every week. We bought a camper and planned some trips. We made playdates with other homeschool families and made some new friends. We enjoyed waking up when we were rested, followed by healthy home cooked meals. We enjoyed time to explore our interests. The freedom was life changing.

On the other hand, it was hard. Five people in the house every day, all day. Lots of opinions, expectations, arguing siblings. With no family where we live and our sitter in college, we had little time for ourselves. To give each other a break to work, exercise or get some alone time we would switch off with the kids. This was helpful, but still never felt like enough. The only break in sight was summer camps, which we anxiously awaited.

By the end of the “school year” we were torn about the following year. We felt worn out and homeschool full time next year was not an option. Public school felt too restrictive after our free experience. My kids desired a connection with kids on a regular basis that we found challenging to provide. Yes, we did sports, clubs, playdates but they weren’t seeing the same kids daily. That’s when I started to dig around for other options. Could I have the best of both worlds?

Sure enough, I found that there were a few co-ops popping up that were drop off programs. Even private schools that were offering a hybrid model. Kids would spend 2, 3 or 4 days with peers and the other time they would be at home. The models ranged greatly in their designs. Some programs taught grade level specific curriculum, while others were completely child-led. Some were based in a certain faith, while others were open to all beliefs. Some were full day and others were half day. Some gave the parents supplemental materials on non-school days for homeschooling while others encouraged families to do as they choose. Some were held in rented spaces such as church classrooms, others were in houses on farms. It was brilliant to see how education was evolving to meet the needs of families in these times.

We found a new academy within 20 minutes from our house that aligned with our values of child-driven instruction. The plan is for our children to go 2 days a week for 4 hours a day. I was able to work out a deal with the owner to do some volunteering teaching a couple of weekly classes to reduce tuition fees. We also joined a drop off coop that is 2 days a week. They offer some unit studies and classes such as art and Spanish. This arrangement felt like a wonderful solution for our family.

The big take away for me this year was education as we know it isn’t working for many kids. It’s an antiquated system, filled with brilliant teachers that are exhausted trying to make it work. This is a great topic for another blog. I knew this already, but what I didn’t know was an alternative to make it better. This year awakened me. It showed me the beauty of human potential when it is set free. It inspired me to dig deep within.

Years ago, I dreamed about creating my own school. I visualized the kids eating local farm grown organic lunches, daily meditation and yoga practice, interest led project-based learning. It seemed so far out there, I pushed it away. Now I see it as a possibility. I feel we are approaching a time of great change where we are remembering who we are. Divine beings with endless creativity, ready to explore and use our genius if given the chance to be set free. So we begin a “new school year” with new possibilities. What are you looking forward to that is new and exciting for next school year? Click here to join my readers’ club and follow our homeschool journey.